Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Wedding Vows

My husband and I bought a new VHS player recently, so we now have the capability of watching our wedding video again. We watched it, and the rehearsal dinner footage, the other night. It brought back
 many wonderful memories- I had mono at the time, and our families and friends stepped in and did my jobs at the end, helping and supporting and laughing and loving.  I loved everything from the simply but beautifully decorated church (my, but artistic friends are grand!) to the music- we had a lovely organist, a former colleague of mine, and a full choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus as our recessional. It was an unequivocally happy day, and I'll cherish those memories forever.

I have to say, though, that there are definitely some things I'd do differently. For one thing, of course, I'd have skipped the whole "who gives this woman" bit. The property transfer makes me very uncomfortable. I'd adjust the wedding sermonette, for sure. I'd ask for less ” we present our daughter as a pure bride” and more ” we celebrate the mutual commitment of sacrificial love made here today.”

Another thing I'd do differently: the wedding vows. We used the very traditional ones (with the "plight thee my troth" and everything!) and I, yes I, promised to love, honor, and obey. I told my husband I'd no intention of obeying, but still..... anyway, I've been thinking, and I think if I had it to do over again I'd say something like this:

I, Mary, take you, Nathan, to be my husband. I will be loyal to you, faithful to you, and a true friend and lover in sickness and in health, in poverty or wealth, when life is rosy and easy, and when the way looks dark and hard. No matter what happens, I will honor you and cherish you. I promise to encourage you when you are right, and confront you when you are wrong. I will always have your back, and I will let no other friendship come between us. You are my primary family now, and I will face everything the world throws at us by your side. I will take care of you, and allow you to take care of me. I will support you as you have supported me, and I will rejoice with you in your successes and weep with you in your losses. For as many years as God gives us, I will be with you, and I will love you- fiercely, gently, freely, and passionately. When we disagree, I will fight for what I believe in, but I will try to remember who I love and what is important as I do. 'Till death do us part, my darling.


  1. I hear a renewal of vows ... and 10 years is coming up soon! :D

  2. My wife and I would also change the vows from our wedding if we did it over.

    My wife insisted that we include "obey" in her vows, although I told her I didn't expect her to do so. In fact, I made it clear to her that I would never ask that she obey me. (I believe I have kept my promise.) I was further along our voyage away from our patriarchal roots, and couldn't imagine my beloved being any less than an equal partner - particularly since she was intelligent, competent, and completely trustworthy. Why would I not want to have her fully utilize her gifts?

    But, she insisted on "obey," and being the good egalitarian, I let her have her way...